why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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