guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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