i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
