She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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