so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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