And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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