i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
