Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
