Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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