rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
