Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
