Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
and you fell through a lawn chair
The Olympian is in my bed
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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