You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If that was your dad, he is hot
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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