Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
