im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
