Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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