peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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