even my farts smell like vagina
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
