oh god the rape fog is back!
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
