We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
