last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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