If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
