just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
