Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
