Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
