Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
