do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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