just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
