maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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