Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
