He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
