Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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