how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
