my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
