I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
