Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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