do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
