Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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