it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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