Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
