So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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