Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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