Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
