I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
