Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
