I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
