mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
NoShamevember. You game?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
