your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
