I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
