After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I could have mohawked her pubes.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Randomize
