shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
