dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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