I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
